These men have sirens and red lights flashing over their heads and we still fall in love. How stupid can a sista be?
TA2006
Guest Apr 09, 2006
10:45 PM
Ladies, if we can be honest with ourselves, didn't that crazy man "appeal to your ego" as Eddie Murphy said in the movie, Raw. He knew how to spend his money.He may not have been the best looking brother, but he had confidence! I guess the loving sista in us wants to believe that we can work with this brother, until he shows his behind, then we "Cut the sucka Loose!"
Ladies, I was so feed up with my raggedy ass man and being in love, that I went out and met this guy at a Nightclub on Saturday, went out with him Sunday, Monday and Married him on by Tuesday. I figured if I married someone I barely knew, that seemed pleasant, had a good family, a good job, no kids, wasn't married already or gay, maybe we could learn to love each other, and stay together. Kind of like choosing a mail order spouse. Now at the time this happened, it all made since, I definately had to have lost my mind. I got an anullment 8 days later. The rest of the story is just as crazy, and ALL TRUE and the saga continues. Maybe I should write a book? «Back
Hello ladies, I must say that I am excited to join this group. You see I am the girl that Java wrote about! I went off to college in 2000. I am a pretty girl and have always been told so, but when I got to college I got more attention than I was ever used to, guys telling me that I was the prettiest "dark-skinned" girl that they had ever seen. I met "Ray", the fotball player and instantly feel in love even though he had a little girl and a baby mama back at home. In the beginning everything was great, we would talk about his baby mama situation and that was when I saw the first red flag, but like we do I knocked that flag don and kept a moving. You see before we got together he was sleeping with a white girl, but later we got together he told me he had stopped; furthur into the relationship things changed, people started telling me things, and ultimately I finally caught him in her dorm room, and he begged and apologized and the whole nine, okay that was when I shoudl have dumped his ass, but No i stayed on anyway. Now the summer came of my freshmen year and "Ray went home one weekend and I could not reach him, he came back and told me that he had went out of town with his little girl, baby mama, and her family. He said he only went along as a way to spend time with her, so okay I forgave that I kinda understood, footballl did take up a lot of time and he could not spend time with his litte girl.. Okay a couple of days later his ex girlfriend called not his baby mama but another girl, and she was like I am-----, the one that just had the baby by "Ray". I was floored because not only had he not told me but he now had two kids by two different women. Okay I forgave hat because she got pregnant before my time, but still that was another red flag the fact that he hid it. Okay now the relationship ws still good, but those feelings of him cheating with the white girl resurfced, and pretty soon it was blatent to me tht he was still cheating with her. I would catch him with money from her, and just a bunch of bullshit, from friends telling me that he was in her dorm room, to receipts that he was making purchases with her debit card to just a lot of stuff. Now the relationship was really falling but I still tried to hang on to it why I don't know but I really loved "Ray", and I didn't want to consider myself the loser to a white girl, not me! O kay so things furthur went down hill , he would be in her car with his friends, and now suddenly I was always gettin on his nerves and not to mention he was still messign with his baby mamas back home whenever he went there but still with all these red flags I stayed around. He disrespected me in my face, in front of my classmates, and the entire campus and I allowed it. I was witdrawing in and out of classes just because I was so embarrassed with the situation of seeing her and him. So I continued to mess with him, got two STD's(curable ones thang God!), and finally I became his third baby mama. I have struggled so hard and still six years later I am still trying to get my degree along with be a mother and father to my child. I come from a single parent household where my mother is a teacher, and she recently lost our house to foreclosure trying to help me get my life back on track with my son. I tried so much to be good to him I was alwyas there for him through football injuries, to him not havign money and me giving him my last. "Ray" hates me, and he doesn't lift a finger to help my baby, and still somehow he manages to make me feel like shit by telling me that this is all my fault, I moved to New Jersey to live with my sister and her family and of course now i am the worst baby mam of all to Ray, who since has had another baby with another girl who is not the white girl, from what I hear that baby is the gleam in his eye! That hurts me even more, becuse he would not keep my baby or anything when I was trying to finish school, He lived with the white girl by this time, and I cannot count how many times I have tried to get him to help me, but she was his priorty and keeping her happy by neglecting his son and me was what he found was more important. I haven't forgave him, adn I won't let him see my son, people tell me I am wrong, but I cna't help it, I cant's get over the things that he did to me, and the toll that falling in love with him has caused on me and my family. Some days now almost three years later I cry all day, I am always broke, and lonely, and just a mess. I am a totally different person, and for the life of me I can not just get on with it, there is not a day that goes by that I don't think of something that he didi to me or the way that my almost three year old son doesn't even know him. My son looks just like him and some days I hate to look at him, I don't mistreat him, but some days when I talk to my college friends who have since went on graduate and got husbands, and careers, all I think about was my foolosh mistakes, and I wish that I wasn't a parent. This is so long, but I had to get this off my chest to someone who doesn't know me so that they can't be as judegementa as my friends and family. Anyone have a comment I know you all do cause I won the crazy/stupid lifetime award for this one!
TA2006
Guest Apr 25, 2006
6:50 PM
Hi Nicoleray, I read your story and I know that there is hope for you. Yes it sounds bad, but I know a God that specializes in things that seem to be Impossible. Please forgive yourself for being a fool for "Ray." Forgive Ray because he just didn't know how to love you because he just didn't know how to love with his pants on.Forgiveness is key! Java forgave Omar with his evil behind. He wronged her, but she forgave him.She told God that she forgave him and God will forgive you.Jesus is faithful and He is waiting for You to ask for forgiveness.Please, get the greatest revenge on the absent father by teaching your son how to be a good man, a good father and good husband.Give your son a relationship with God.God is Love. You can do this by showing your son Love.Hug your son.Tell him that you love him.Be there for your son when he needs you to listen to him.Don't curse your son.Speak positive words to your son.Let him know that he is a blessing to you, even if he doesn't act like a blessing at all.You will have what you say!If you don't choose to pursue child support or it is just not worth it, get governmental assistance. Recently I had to get food stamps.I never knew what it was like to fill my basket to the brim until I got foodstamps!Thank you Lord!Java gave 10 percent on the little money she made and God blessed her.Nicoleray your life is a success story!Say it until you See it!Venting is not going to help unless you change the way you speak.There is nothing you can do about the past!Let the past stay in the past.Listen to Kirk Franklin and Yolanda Adams songs.They bring healing to a hurting heart.Don't listen to those songs that bring up hateful feelings towards Ray.Thank God for Ray because now you know the kind of man that you don't want in your life.You can do great things through Christ that gives you strength. Nicoleray, I will keep your name in my prayers.
Thank you so much for your wonderful words, they really uplifted my spirit. I am trying on my forgiveness issues, and after I read your comments I got on my knees and prayed to God to show me the way and to forgive me for carrying this hate around in my heart for the man that gave me my beautiful son. I am gonna get better, I am still in school, I am almost finishing up now, so with God's help I will make it! Thank you so much, whoever you are because you signed in as Guest. Your words may have saved me, and for that I owe you so much. May God Bless you and Keep you Nicoleray
Hi Nicoleray, I am so glad that you were able to use the advice that I gave you. I am so excited about your future!You are off to a great start.I was motivated to complete my goal of writing this book because I heard a guy on a BET commercial say, "If you don't grind.You don't SHINE" I decided to put my fingers to the grind.It wasn't easy, but it was worth it.I had to make sacrifices, but I kept my eye on the goal.
I Believe I Can Fly by Yolanda Adams/Gerald Levert and Stand by Donnie McClurkin have encouraged me.I also try to ignore or disconnect myself from people or things that try to steal my Dream.Stay focused and Keep Moving Nicoleray!
Java Weathersby,author Crazy Men Can Make You Do Crazy Things
